Saiyans and Housework Don't Mix
by coumarin-chan
Summary: Bulma has arranged a trip for the girls to New York for the weekend. Can planet Earth survive with all the Saiyans fending for themselves for a whole weekend?
1. You're going Where? Without Us?

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or any of its characters no matter how much I'd like to.**_

_A/N: This story continues on after "Saiyans and the Internet don't mix." You may wish to read that first to explain the appearance of long-dead characters._

* * *

**Saiyans and housework don't mix**

* * *

**  
Part 1 – You're going WHERE! WITHOUT US!**

Once again, it was a peaceful morning on Mt. Paozu. The entire Son family congregated around the kitchen table, surrounded by the sound of four starving Saiyajin inhaling their breakfast after a good night's sleep. Chichi twitched as random particles and blobs of food littered the kitchen.

"That's it!" She roared. Four sets of eyes focussed on her immediately, the sound of breakfast evaporating into the wind. Goku, Gohan, Goten and Raditz stared tensely, yet with equal innocent expressions at the seething human. Chichi suddenly calmed down, smiling sweetly at the four. Raditz glanced toward his younger brother hesitantly, who shook his head. The large warrior focussed back on the woman.

"Hurry up and finish your breakfast. We're going over to Bulma's as soon as you're finished." Chichi nodded placidly, digging back into her own breakfast. Goku looked rather confused as the outburst did not result in the performance of frying pans. He glanced around the room for a moment, since he'd been interrupted, something felt out of place. He just couldn't figure it out right now.

"Oh well..." He muttered out loud, resuming his normal breakfast routine.

* * *

_A little while later …_

Goten sat, staring out of the back windscreen. It so happened that Chichi had decided they were going to take the car to get to Capsule Corporation. Why she'd chosen this method of transport was beyond any of the Saiyan's comprehension, however none were brave enough to stand up to Chichi while she was in this delicate mood.

They were currently speeding along the highway, clocking in at around eighty miles per hour, steadily increasing. Goku and Goten were currently sitting with their head and torso out of the window, tongues and hair flapping in the breeze. Gohan's eyes became wide as a rather large white billboard advertising a new shopping centre appeared on the horizon, growing larger by the second.

"Dad, look out!" Gohan yelped

"Hmm?" Goku turned in his seat to look at his eldest son through the window. Gohan squints his eyes shut in horror. A huge crack of wood and the screech of twisting metal ripped through the air as Goku's head and shoulders cleanly ripped straight through the sign.

Raditz looked out of the back window, sweatdropping as the sign started to disappear behind them, bearing a large Kakarotto- shaped silhouette in place of the shopping centre's mascot. He then turned to Gohan slowly.

"I think the advertisement was dealt the worst part of that blow." He said.

Gohan peered up at the larger saiyan and then glanced out of the back window to the sign. He looked back at his father, who hadn't noticed what had happened.

"I see what you mean…"

Goten grinned, his tongue still sticking out as they zoomed along. A large saliva trail had formed behind the car, much to the disgust of some fellow drivers.

* * *

Vegeta, the prince of all Saiyans (well, there were only four other than himself alive), was NOT happy. Under threat of having the systems of his gravity room re-written by a human, who was several million times weaker than himself, he was now sitting on the sofa flicking through daytime television in one of the foulest of moods. 

It had been an hour since breakfast, which surprisingly was edible. That was about it though… On a lighter note, he thought, Kakarotto's ki was heading towards West City at a rate of knots. At least he'd be able to beat his frustration out on the big baka. The flame of hair twitched as he took a bite out of one of those cereal and chocolate bars.

All of a sudden music started playing out of thin air. Vegeta looked very confused as footsteps thumped in time to the music. Spotlights and lasers suddenly zoomed in on the staircase, where Turles was sauntering to the main floor. He wore just a t-shirt and boxers, as he alternated between brushing his hair…

"_Hey hey_"

…And singing along to the music. His tail thrashed in the air, leaving pretty streaks behind due to the reflection of light of the clean fur. Bulma walked into the living room, having heard music, singing and the general darkness, smoke and abnormal lights shooting out in all directions.

"_Hey hey, let the rain come down on me._"

Vegeta slowly turned to look at the blue haired scientist, a look of pure confusion on his face.

"_Hey, hey… hey, hey._" Turles finally hit the carpet of the living room and then climbed up onto the coffee table, where a spotlight switched itself on. He then began to sing along, using his hairbrush which doubled as a microphone.

"_I see people and they're craving blood  
And I'm so rarely understood  
Well I don't know what they want from me,  
It's gonna take sometime just to let them see…_"

Out of nowhere, Trunks and Goten slid onto the 'stage', both wearing identical green and orange sequin covered suits.

* * *

A white car pulled up onto the lawn of Capsule Corporation, sending three of the four passengers flying forward. Raditz sat up, rubbing his head cautiously. 

"Hang on… weren't there five of us originally?" The large saiyan looked confused. He got out of the car, just as the side of the house opened up, causing smoke and lasers to billow onto the lawn. Trunks Goten and Turles were now dancing as well as singing on their 'stage'.

"_I'm going through a black, hey Capricorn day  
And though it doesn't seem so, I've got to get this way.  
I'm going through a black hey Capricorn day  
Though you want to check me out  
I'm not the man to play, play, play, play_."

Gohan and Chichi stared into the Briefs living room, a thick cloud of shock effectively reducing any sense of logic to a small buzz in the back of their minds. Goku on the other hand was now happily clapping along, thoroughly enjoying the show.

"Well at least we know where Goten is now." Raditz mentioned to no one in particular.

"_Hey hey  
Don't you see I'm not the man to play  
Hey hey  
No way you can play with me today  
Hey hey  
Just let me sing it to my Capricorn day._" (1)

Turles clapped twice, all the smoke and lasers instantly disappeared back to whatever dimension they were pulled out of. The living room wall rebuilt itself, and the demi-saiyans wandered off back to wherever they were previously.

Bulma slowly applauded the performance, while Vegeta occasionally twitched.

"Thank you." Turles beamed, pulling off a classical 'Son-Style' grin and then disappeared in a puff of orange smoke.

"o.O" Vegeta twitched, then waddled over to the front door. "Raditzu."

"Vegeta." The large saiyan replied, looking rather disturbed due to the sheer randomness of Turles' little show, followed up by Vegeta answering the door like a zombie.

* * *

"So, I think it's about time we told them." Bulma said hesitantly. They'd all taken a little while to recover from Turles' little stunt. Over the past hour, Juuhachigou and her family, along with Tien Launch and Chiaotzu had arrived. Chichi nodded to her friend. 

"Everyone, I have an announcement to make!" Bulma popped her head around the doorframe, then sweatdropped at the lack of response she got. Launch was quietly minding her business when a brown feather floated out of nowhere on a non-existent breeze. The feather brushed against her nose, causing everyone that was in the kitchen to move a few feet away in their own directions then freeze.

"Ahh…. Ahhh ah…." The woman seemed to gain control over her nose. Everyone relaxed, moving back to what they were doing.

"AAAHHHCHOOOOOO!" the sneeze shook the foundations of the compound. A now blonde-haired, green eyed Launch stormed into the living room. Once there, she pulled out a rocket launcher along with a special nuclear warhead.

"Alright, listen up you bums! Bulma's got something to tell y'all, an' yer all gonna listen otherwise you're all gonna be EXTINCT!"

Not daring to move, every person with Saiyan blood nervously looked toward the kitchen, where Bulma was now sweatdropping.

"Ok get moving! One, Two one two one two!" The saiyans filed quietly into the kitchen, all opting to stay as far away from the blonde as possible. Suddenly, a chicken flew in through the open kitchen window, causing Launch to sneeze and revert back to her blue-haired form.

The said chicken decided to perch on Vegeta's head, much to the prince's disgust. Barely hiding a twitch, he glared at the demi saiyan.

"How many times have I told you to lock Cookie-chomper's cage?" Vegeta growled threateningly. Trunks looked thoughtful and then started counting. (2)

"One hundred and forty two times."

"O.o" He stared at the lavender haired demi-saiyan before recovering his anger. Vegeta pulled the offending poultry off his head, and let it hang upside-down while he lectured his son. "This is absolutely the last time I'm warning you brat. Next time, I'll be having chicken for lunch."

Vegeta stomped over to the window, calculating the distance between the window and the chicken coop. With a carefully angled swing, he threw the offensive bird out of the window. Cookie- chomper bounced several times before landing in his cage, which automatically closed and locked behind the tumbling chicken.

"AHEM!" Chichi cleared her throat, brandishing the Frying Pan of Doom™ "There shall be no more interruptions."

Crickets chirped in the background.

"Much better." Chichi nodded and then sat back down "Bulma?"

"Ah right!" The scientist snapped out of a daze. "Most of you know why I've called you here… but I'm making this an official announcement. Trunks, stop picking your nose." Trunks hid his hands behind his back, whistling innocently.

"Chichi, Launch, Juuhachigou and I are going on a 'Girls Weekend' to New York."

"Alright! Road Trip!" Goku hopped up and down excitedly.

"You're not coming with us." Chichi said bluntly. Goku's pupils shrunk down to pinpricks.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

"Listen again Goku, Bulma, Launch, Juuhachigou and I are going on this trip. The rest of you are staying here, on your own, until we get back on Monday afternoon."

All those who bore saiyan blood gawked at the women as if they'd gone crazy.

"But who will feed us?" Goku's bottom lip wobbled, as his eyes filled to the brim with tears.

"Who will clean up when we make a mess?" Goten chimed in, with the exact same expression as his fathers. Bulma held up a hand for silence.

"Enma-Sama got in touch with us. Baba informed him of our plans, and the future looks bleak for this planet if we were to leave you unsupervised for an entire weekend. So, he's sent us some reinforcements."

Bulma clapped her hands, a poof of pink smoke filled the kitchen, along with the sounds of a sickening crack of two something's breaking the kitchen table. The scientist peeked into the smoke at two figures, which were busy picking their way out of the rubble.

"Well that didn't go as well as planned." She sweatdropped. Turles pulled out a giant fan, and switched it onto the highest setting. Not only did it get rid of the smoke, the mini-tornado completely ripped the kitchen apart.

Bulma glared at the Goku-like saiyan. "Sorry?" he grinned sheepishly.

"GASP!" Raditz stared at the remains of the kitchen in shock, having gotten a good look at who the reinforcements were.

"'Tousan!"

"Daddy! O.O" Vegeta's eyes went wide with shock, before his eyes rolled back in their sockets. The prince of all saiyans had fainted.

* * *

(1) -ref. Black Capricorn Day by Jamiroquai. I don't own it. 

(2)- ref2. Alvin and the Chipmunks. They had a kitten called Cookie-chomper. I don't own the name.

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Please R&R. What did you think? 

Raditz: I think you've finally lost the plot, especially since that mini-manga you drew last night -.-;

You're just unhappy because you got called an Onna.

Raditz: .'' Just don't turn it into a fic.

-Brightens- That's a BRILLIANT Idea!

Raditz: I'm doomed...


	2. And thus the madness begins

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or any of its characters no matter how much I'd like to.**_

_A/N: This story continues on after "Saiyans and the Internet don't mix." You may wish to read that first to explain the appearance of long-dead characters._

_Note: I'll be referring to King Vegeta as Bejiita, just so I don't get confused with the two Vegeta's ok?  
_

_

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_

**Saiyans and housework don't mix**

* * *

**Part 2 – … and thus the madness begins**

Everyone stared at the four saiyans standing in the middle of the kitchen, in the remains of Mrs. Briefs oak table. Silence fell upon the group, while Vegeta lay dizzily on the cold tiles of the kitchen floor.

"_phhhhhtht_" the sound which closely resembled a frog getting the air pushed out of its lungs. Krillin turned beetroot red shortly after. The foul odor soon diffused throughout the room, causing the occupants to gag in its vulgarity.

"Uh, sorry guys. I guess I should lay off the beans." He sweatdropped.

"Krillin!" Bulma exclaimed

"That's vile!" Gohan turned a similar shade of green to Piccolo

"I can't feel my nose…" whimpered Raditz

"Ughwp" Trunks and Goten did their best not to breathe

"Windows people!" Bardock commanded, dragging Bejiita along with him who gave a squeak of confusion due to the rapidly changing environment.

"Krillin, that was utterly disgusting! How do you expect me to raise children and future grand-children, when they're exposed to such appalling manners!" Chichi bellowed brandishing her Frying Pan of DOOM™.

The rest of the group rushed to the windows, hanging their upper bodies completely outside. Goku glanced up to see what looked like a limish- yellow cloud gathering over the building, due to the gas leaking out from the kitchen.

Suddenly, the door to the kitchen, also the back entrance to the compound swung open. The sound of a few scurrying steps followed by the slamming of the back door, and the sound that could only be described like someone breathing in chlorine gas. Turles particularly looked about in confusion, as he felt the entire window pane shake from the impact, however he could not locate this mystery person.

* * *

Piccolo stood outside the kitchen door, now a sickly yellowish colour. He shook off the noxious yellow-green gas that had somehow adhered to his cape, with a snort of disgust. 

"Feh, you'd swear they were trying to kill someone with that foul smog." The Namek grumbled as he rounded the corner that led toward the front entrance. However he didn't quite make it that far. Piccolo paused in mid step as he counted four Goku-esque heads hanging out of the windows to the Brief's family kitchen. Apart from that, most of the Z-senshi was also there, with the exception of Vegeta, who was still out cold in the middle of the kitchen floor.

"Goku, would you kindly like to explain what the hell is going on?" Piccolo grumbled. The large dopey saiyan glanced around clueless as to who was talking to him. Bardock gently tapped his youngest son on the shoulder and pointed toward the Namek, who was of course standing where he could easily be seen.

"Hi Piccolo!" Goku chirped brightly, causing the tall Namek to cringe. "I think Krillin ate too many beans…" he glanced toward the short human, who blushed.

Piccolo just shook his head in dismay and then took a good look at the clone that had poked Goku on the shoulder. His first reaction was that it was Turles; however, this one had a scar just like Yamcha's.

"Found another clone of yours I see." Goku glances at Bardock then grins sheepishly.

"He's my dad."

Piccolo glanced from the grinning Goku to a scowling, but very dead Bardock. The large Namek coughed dismissively before turning his back to the saiyans.

"I'll be on my way." He replied nervously, zipping off in a purple streak of Ki. Goku glanced at his father, then to Gohan, then back up to the sky where the vapor trail was slowly dissipating.

"Was it something I said?"

* * *

_Some time later, after having some heavy ventilation system installed…_

Raditz shivered as he sat, with about five layers of clothing, plus a scarf and mittens, on the sofa in the Briefs living room, which was now coated in a layer of frost due to the power of the ventilation system. It had been around two hours since the women had left, after that the party had quickly dispersed, leaving all the saiyans at Capsule Corporation.

_**Flashback **_

"**_And remember, no fighting in the house!" Chichi ranted and then threw a list at Bardock. "Make sure they keep out of trouble. Here's a list of what they need to do around the house. If they start misbehaving, use this." She tossed the Frying Pan of DOOM™ to the second oldest saiyan, who twitched as it collided with his face._**

**_Minutes later, the group was watching the red sports-air car fly away. Raditz felt his stomach sink. Yes he could cook, but… he hardly ever looked after a house on his own. He glanced to his left, where Goku and Goten were crying a flood of tears. Turles floated by on an upturned umbrella._**

"_**Alright, as to avoid any global catastrophe's we'll all be staying here for the weekend. There's safety in numbers, and (hopefully) working together we MAY actually survive this. Of course, it doesn't matter about me because I'm dead and got insurance." Bejiita rattled off.**_

_**End Flashback **_

And so, here he was, freezing his tail off with two chibi's sitting on his lap. He prodded Goten on the head and then Trunks.

"Don't you two have anything better to do?"

"We do, but it's too cold and Ojichan can't figure out how to turn the ventilation off." Goten sniffed, rubbed his nose with his sleeve, then promptly sneezed, leaving a layer of mucus on Raditz' jacket.

"Eww…" He cringed, attempting to wipe the sticky fluid off with one of the pillows. A rather warm lump smushed against the large saiyans right side, much to his confusion. He'd already been supporting his brother, who'd fallen asleep a few minutes ago on his left arm.

Raditz' hair parted exposing a rather pale looking Turles. He'd burrowed into the mass of hair in hopes of warming up, then snuggled. It is a well known fact that a Type 3 saiyan reaction is to snuggle when in need of comfort, emotionally or physically. Raditz' twitched in annoyance, trying to pry off Turles.

"Do you mind?" he hissed. Turles just looked at the larger saiyan with the saddest puppy dog look he could muster, complete with big sparkly pupils and tear streaks on each cheek. Raditz thumped his head back against the sofa, only for it to collide with something that didn't feel sofa-like. A vein bulged on his forehead as he whipped around to glare at the culprit.

Broly waved contently at the other saiyans, "Hi there." He said happily.

Turles and Raditz went white, twitching occasionally. Raditz got a hold of his thoughts and then shook Turles by the front of his shirt. "Why the heck is he here?"

"I don't know" Turles looked stumped for a moment. After a minute the Goku – look alike turned to the generally happy Broly, eyes glittering with revenge. The enormous saiyan paused from looking around happily, confronted by a seething Turles. "While you're here, I suppose I can make use of this encounter." He sneered then whipped out Chichi's Frying Pan of DOOM™.

Broly nervously scooted toward the door, very much aware of the Frying Pan of DOOM's™ reputation for subduing even the male Son's, who of course were famous for the fantastic thickness of their skulls. Raditz stared at the Frying Pan of DOOM™ and then chuckled nervously.

"Watch what you're doing with that, its dangerous." Turles just grinned, evilly.

"I have a score to settle with our dear Saiya-jin friend here. You remember that incident, not more than a month after I was brought back to life, with the screaming fangirls and all? It was all over the news." Raditz blinked, a light bulb suddenly lighting up over his head.

"Oh, I remember now. You had me hack the site, and send threatening stalker – emails to all the fangirls so that they'd forget about you." He nodded once and then blinked at the cloud of dust that was dissipating on the sofa. The confused saiyan glanced around, just in time to hear the wailing of someone on the next floor up, along with the sound of feet pounding against the floor. Raditz sighed, shaking his head.

"This is going to be the longest weekend of my second life."

* * *

Bardock poked at the wires inside the control box of the ventilation system. He'd long blown off the cover seen as the controls on the outside were next to useless. They'd forgotten one thing when they assigned him to look after this planet – he couldn't read any of the Chikyuu languages. Even though he was a technical genius, the sheer level of complexity that was included in Chikyuu-jin inventions was virtually impossible to sort through without something going wrong. 

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"

"Wait until I get my hands on you! You're going to be nothing but a bloody smear on the wall! You shall feel nothing but the wrath I am feared for!"

Bardock yelped as he narrowly dodged a lightening fast blow delivered by Turles, who was giving no regard to anything in his surroundings. The eldest saiyan looked down the corridor and then sweatdropped. It looked like a localized hurricane had just passed through. He then looked to where the two saiya-jin were currently fighting. Or rather, Turles was occasionally landing hits with the Frying Pan of DOOM™ and Broly was desperately dodging as many of the wild, Ki infused swings.

"No Mercy!" Turles hissed.

"Now wait a minute…" Bardock started. Unfortunately the attempt to talk was obviously in vain. He made a mental note to ask one of the others what had happened to cause Turles to react so badly to another saiyan. He watched in slow motion as Broly dodged another swing…

_**CRASH!**_

The smell of burning metal and plastic drifted through the air, along with the sound of free electricity crackling. Broly took this moment of confusion to escape through the nearest window. Turles pulled the Frying Pan of DOOM™ from the wreckage that was the main control centre of the ventilation system. The icy breezes that had floated around the compound after Krillin's lethal gas attack (named later by Trunks and Goten), came to a halt, the frost that had coated most surfaces melted, leaving most parts of the compound a little damp. However, this was only a small cost for being alive and not being frozen to death.

"Well I suppose that was one major crisis solved…" Bardock turned to the hallway down which Turles had started to stomp, evidently still not through with the mammoth of a saiyan.

* * *

"We want food! We want food! WE WANT FOOD!" Trunks, Goten and Goku chanted, while thumping their cutlery against the new oak table in the kitchen in time with the chants. Raditz and Turles had long ago plugged their ears, quite accustomed to the trio's antics when food got delayed. Bardock twitched in annoyance, several veins popping up over his forehead and neck. 

"Oh will you three give it a rest! I'm starting to get a migraine that will last a few millennia if you don't shut up!" Bardock hissed, glaring venomously at the three childish saiyans. Just at that point in time Gohan stumbled through the door to the kitchen, bearing a huge pile of take away food. He was trailed slowly by Bejiita and Vegeta, who was skittishly watching his fathers every move.

"Hey everyone! Food's here!" Gohan announced happily. He barely managed to get the food to the table before he was attacked by a mob of hungry saiyans and demi-saiyans. He paused to sweatdrop at the scene before jumping into the fray, snatching his own share before it was all eaten. During the few minutes, food managed to get everywhere. The walls, ceiling, floor even under the table was splattered in scraps of food. Very shortly the cleaning bots were undertaking the task of removing all traces of food products from the room. Raditz glanced at Gohan after he'd finished his share of the meal, a sudden cloud of confusion storming over his head.

"You know, you disappeared for a while earlier, where were you?" Gohan swallowed the noodles that he was currently inhaling and then looked over to his uncle.

"I had a lot of homework to do; mom would have my head if I didn't get it done. Besides, it means I get an entire weekend off to do non-academic stuff." Gohan suddenly plastered on the classic 'Son' style grin, causing the background to suddenly brighten. Bejiita glanced up to Gohan; then looked at Bardock

"Heck, he looks like you once you get drunk." Bejiita muttered, ducking a well placed projectile. Bardock just growled, retiring from the table. The rest of the Saiyans slowly dispersed into the bowels of Capsule Corporation to fight over who got to sleep where.

* * *

The rooms had readily been decided. Those who already lived at Capsule Corp. stayed in their own rooms. Turles had readily persuaded Raditz to share his room, which to Raditz was much more appealing than sharing a room with the Terrible Two, his nephew or especially his own brother. Goku may be soft-hearted, but he didn't exactly sleep still. Goku and Gohan decided to share a room; then finally, Bardock and Bejiita would share a room. 

"So is it all set up?" Bejiita yawned. Bardock fiddled with the reception from a monitor.

"Yeah. The alarm will go off if anything goes wrong." Bardock nodded, while waddling towards his bed. He promptly collapsed onto the soft mattress.

How naive he was. They had not the slightest clue of the terror that would be unleashed upon the planet as soon as the first rays of sunlight danced upon the horizon of the new day. They were in for the greatest challenge of their afterlives.

* * *

Well I finally got it out after all your kind reviews. I hope you all like it, its not quite as long as the last one. 

Gohan: I can't believe you forgot about me, that homework scene was just an excuse because you forgot!

- glare - Well you're just a support character... and no-one would have noticed if you hadn't mentioned it -.-;

Gohan: Just because you don't like me doesn't mean you can forget me.

Well I kinda forgot about Piccolo for most of my fics, and I actually like him -sweatdrops- I'm just not very good at writing good characters...

Gohan: Whatever... -.-;;

Turles: - Pops in holding up a sign saying ' Please R&R thank you very much!' -


	3. IMPORTANT, You MUST read this!

**Authors notes. IMPORTANT!**

**I will no longer be updating my stories on I'm moving to _DeviantART_ where both my art and fiction can be posted in one place. I'm sorry if this is of any inconvenience to people…. However it allows me to keep track of everything in one place.**

**I will leave this account active until July/August 2006, by which time I should (hopefully) have uploaded and updated all my fiction to DA.**

**Thank you for reading this and reviewing my work** .


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